Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
