But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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