its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
