And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
