So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
