dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
