My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
