..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
