The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
