Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
