He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
