you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
