I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have aggressive nipples.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
