She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
