Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
