By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
