is your mom at the bar?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
