Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
