i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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