That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
