Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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