Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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