She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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