My first STD was from a foam party
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
