it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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