I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
