We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
