if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
