Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
