i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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