Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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