Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think my moral compass just broke
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
