guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
