if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
