i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
