Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
