I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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