It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
