genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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