She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
