The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
