we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
