My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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