we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
