i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
