my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
