matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
