Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
