so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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