Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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